My Four Fathers: An Adoptee’s Perspective

I’m not going to lie, this was extremely difficult to write as it pertains to Father’s Day.

I am a Late Discovery Adoptee, at 33 years old I discovered that I was placed into my family through adoption. In my adoptive family, I am one of 6 children, and I am the only one that joined the family through adoption.

Throughout my life, I have had many father figures and each of these fathers has played a role in the man and father I am today.

My First Father

The first father I ever had has been there all along and never left my side, that is my God the father. The glue that’s kept it all together. Believing in God has helped me to conquer all of life’s challenges.

My Adoptive Father

As a young child, I gained an Adoptive father whose last name is now mine as well. Although my adoptive parents’ marriage ended when I was around 5 years old, and this man was not a part of my life growing up. 

We were able to reconnect in my early adult years around the age of 20. It’s been nice getting to know him over the years in spurts.

My Stepfather

During my teenage years, my adoptive mother got remarried, and my Stepfather entered my life. He is still married to my mom which makes me very happy. He’s looked out for me during some trying years as a youth. For this, I’ll be forever thankful.

My Biological Father

Then there is the father that I was born to who is now referred to as my biological father. A title that’s been given due to being separated from him at birth. 

It took 33 years, but through search and reunion, we have since reconnected. Over the past ten years, it’s been a pleasure getting to know him and therefore learning more about myself in the process. We share genetics, everything from ethic features to family medical history. Our voices even sound the same. All this knowledge is never taken for granted.

It’s with gratitude that I’m able to say that my adoptive, step and biological fathers are all still alive to share time with, just a phone call or visit way. 

Although bonds had been severed and our relationships have not always been perfect through understanding and communication, the treads of bonding still hold onto these important relationships.

Becoming a father

I am now a father to my amazing children who are now 18 and 12 years old. Through the years It’s been an absolute honor to take the love buried deep in my psyche and give it all to them. 

As the years have gone by it’s been recharged through experiences and learning, with victories and fumbles intertwined. They are my “why” for everything. 

Even after things didn’t work out with their mom, who was my wife for 15 years, the focus has still been on my children providing them with loving, supportive parents.

Who’s to say that it wasn’t through my own life challenges in what I’d known as a father or fathers in this case that has shaped the way I parent. One thing that is obvious in all that I’ve seen in life, everyone does the best they can with what they have but the effort must be put forth.

This Father’s Day I’d like the World to know that you can appreciate the good, forgive the bad and move on towards where you’d like to end up. Being a father is where I’m standing now, the journey has led me here, and I’ve taken many lessons from loving my own four fathers.

Written by Keith Sciarillo, Late Discovery Adult Adoptee, C.A.S.E. Emerging Leader