Adoptees Surpassing The Six Stuck Spots: Difference

I was sitting in one of C.A.S.E.’s teen groups…a support group designed for adolescents to begin building a sense of community amongst their adopted peers. We were discussing various ways to handle questions we may receive about being adopted…the adoption competent therapist facilitating the group asked how people feel when they receive some of these questions…

“I feel frustrated, sad, embarrassed, scared, lonely & I feel different…in a bad way”, one of the young participants said.

Different…in a bad way. My heart sank.

Being different has been the most prominent stuck spot of my life. Feeling a sense of otherness almost seems ingrained inside of me, something I’ve felt from the moment I realized I didn’t look like anybody in my family. I remember growing up, being middle school age & feeling more “different” than I had ever felt before.

My tween years were filled with this overwhelming idea that I had to “fit in” to be considered cool. I wanted popular style clothing, I wanted to do the activities that other kids were doing, I wanted to share stories & space with my peers but this underlying elephant in the room was that I was very different.

I realized my differences when I didn’t have a birth story to share at sleepovers with my girlfriends. I realized I was different when I was the only minority sitting around our family dinner tables. I realized I was different when I was the only Latina amongst my Latin classmates who wasn’t able to speak Spanish…the only one who didn’t have a Quincenera…the only one who had never been back to visit their country of origin.