A Journey of Adoption and Empowerment: Ashley’s Story

What It Means to Be Adopted as a Teen

Written by Ashley Garcia-Rivera, Policy Advocacy Fellow

Published on: Nov 19, 2024

Category Adoption

Today, I’m proud of who I’ve become. I graduated from a four-year college, something that less than 5% of foster youth achieve. I’m now a policy fellow working to create better futures for foster children and youth who are experiencing similar situations in the system. In addition, I’ve found love, a supportive partner who understands me, and a community that values my voice. I am living proof that it’s never too late for a family, for stability.

Adoption is many things—a journey, a second chance, a leap of faith. For me, it’s been impactful, the most challenging, and the most rewarding experience of my life. To every teen out there wondering if adoption is for them, I’d say this: don’t give up on the possibility of family. It may not come in the way you expect or when you think it will, but when it does, it will change your life in ways you can’t imagine.

The Road Less Traveled: My Journey of Adopting a Teenager by Liz Benstead, Ashley’s Adoptive Mother

Deep down, I had always known I would adopt.

To understand, we need to go back to the very beginning, 30 years ago. At 27, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I was told that I would have to have a full hysterectomy, chemo, and radiation. For months after my hysterectomy, I was heartbroken knowing that I would never bring a child into this world. But at the same time, I KNEW that I had an opportunity to adopt a child that truly needed a loving home.

I grew up as an only child with parents that were 42 and 44 when they had me in 1967. The adventure of adoption began after the passing of my mother. I did not know what the road would look like, but I was determined to adopt an older child against the advice of meaningful naysayers. I decided to take the “road less travel.” In January 2012, a young, 15-year-old, wide-eyed, sassy, funny, caring teenager rolled into my life. We were both strangers from very different backgrounds, economic demographics, and cultures. Who knew if it would work out. I may not have been pregnant, but the process was as long and arduous as being pregnant for 9 months, going into labor, and finally giving birth to a 120-lb 16 year old. It took social workers, foster parents, friends, family, and finally the judge that banged his gavel and pronounced us mother and daughter in November 2012.

Meeting Ashley

Ashley and I met at a Friendly’s in Worcester, MA and it was earth shattering. Taking her back to her foster home after the meeting was even harder, as I did not want to leave her. If DCF would have allowed me to take her home that day, I would have. Instead, we got to know one another as best as we could, over phone calls and visits during the weekends. I dreaded Sundays because it felt like I was sending Ashley back to a place of confinement. I was filled with joy from seeing this vibrant young lady during the weekends, but at the same time, empty inside – because I knew that I would have to leave her at the foster home come Sunday afternoon/evening.

Adoption

I remember the day that Ashley’s social worker came to the house with paperwork for me to sign for the adoption to be put into motion, six long months but each and every day was worth it, knowing that she would finally be HOME. I remember on National Adoption Day, our “gotcha day,” Friday, November 16, 2012, I was a nervous nelly. What if she changes her mind? What if I will not be a good mom? What if, What if, What if… All those What Ifs flew out the window when the judge signed the adoption papers, pounded his gavel, and pronounced that we were legally mother and daughter. Ashley was already mine in my heart and soul, but now she was mine legally and nobody could keep us apart. She was coming home permanently.

School

As a teacher and a mom, I wanted Ashley to have the best education possible. She was enrolled at Westford Academy, a rigorous public high school, one of the best in Massachusetts. She was, at my request, placed with an outstanding guidance counselor, a former social worker. School was excruciating, with many tears and breakdowns. I cannot fathom the chaos that her brain was exerting every day. She missed her entire 7th grade, a pivotal educational year due to parent neglect and substantial abuse. As a ninth grader, she was on a fourth-grade reading level. Unfortunately, she did not qualify for an Individual Education Plan (IEP) as she did not have a formal disability. Her teachers, guidance counselor, and I put together a plan for Ashley to be successful. I encouraged her to join the school’s award-winning theater program, where she was awarded a varsity letter for makeup. Tears of joy happened when Ashley walked across the stage to get her high school diploma.

College Graduation, Fellowship at C.A.S.E, and a New Love

Parenting is arduous, demanding, and sometimes painful. There is no “playbook.” At times, you have to show your “love” by stepping back and “loving” from afar. ALL Adoptions come with challenges. Ashley found herself in a challenging relationship in her early twenties with someone who was abusive. His influence led her to pull away from me. For six difficult months, we had no contact—a time that weighed heavily on me. However, I knew it was worse for Ashley. I texted her every day that I loved her during those dark days and reminded her that she could come home anytime. I loved her from a distance. A mother’s love never ends.

Feeling Like a Parental Failure

Ashley has had to work twice as hard as her peers. After breaking up with her boyfriend, she came home and re-enrolled at UNCC. She was determined that she was not going to be a statistic. That joyous moment became a reality last December as she graduated from UNCC with her bachelor’s degree.

Ashley has proven herself to be a champion of foster youth on the national stage as an Adopt US Kids spokesperson and C.A.S.E policy fellow. She moved this past July to Washington DC, where she is working tirelessly to change perceptions about foster care/adoption. She was recently accepted into the Minority Professional Leadership Development program.

Ashley has finally found someone that loves her for her. Her partner is the most loving, benevolent, compassionate, thoughtful person I know. We joke that she is “dating her mother,” as her partner has many of the same morals, values, and characteristics as me.