The Mistake of Silence

Silence Isn’t Always Golden: Why We Must Speak Up

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Silence is golden.” But I’ve come to believe that statement is, at best, a half-truth. There are times when silence is a welcome friend, the peaceful quiet of a movie theater, the stillness of a morning coffee, or the calm before sleep. Yet, at other times, silence is a warning. The sudden quiet from a toddler’s room, the unnerving silence that follows a presentation, or the deafening quiet when a loved one pulls away.

Most of these silences are just moments of discomfort. But for some, the silence is a matter of life and death, an absence of support that can be fatal. This is a reality for many children and young adults who are in, or have been in, foster care or the adoption process. I know this because it was my reality.

How Silence and Stigma Shaped My Mental Health Journey

From ages 14 to 18, my life was a whirlwind of activity. I was student body president, a star athlete, a member of the National Honor Society, and the lead in my school musical. My parents had every reason to believe I was thriving, and on paper, I was. I kept myself so busy I didn’t have to face my feelings or acknowledge the state of my mental health. This is a common strategy — a way to avoid the deafening silence of our own thoughts. But just below the surface of my smiles and accomplishments, a storm was gathering. A storm that could have been weathered, or perhaps even avoided, if I had access to a mental health screening.

Recognizing the Signs: How Caregivers Can Help Before It’s Too Late

So many people fall through the cracks because they stay silent, and in many cases, they don’t know how to make a sound until all they have left is a scream.

When I was 16, I screamed. My scream took the form of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and an attempt on my life. I had no idea I was suffering from depression, anxiety, and an identity crisis. I just knew my mind was racing and I hated being alone and without anything to do.

These issues are a lot to deal with on their own, but when combined with my first serious breakup, they created a perfect storm—violent, volatile, and destructive.

If only I had known how to ask for help, or if my caregivers had seen the signs. Of course, as a 16-year-old, I would have fought them on it, but a mental health screening before things reached a boiling point could have made the difference between life and death. It could have made my mind a much more peaceful place.

Speaking Up Is Strength: Reducing Stigma Around Mental Health

Mental health is still so stigmatized. We’re taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness. But in the 15 years since that near-tragedy, I’ve learned that getting help—whether through screenings, therapy, medication, or inpatient treatment—is one of the strongest things you can do.

When a loved one asks, “Have you ever considered seeing someone?” don’t dismiss it as a casual question. Take a moment and truly hear what they’re saying. That question is a profound declaration of love. They’re saying, “I love you so much that you deserve to be happier. I want to tell you I love you in person for years to come.” Their act of speaking is a gift, a courageous act of filling the void when you may not be able to. I am forever grateful to those who spoke for me when I couldn’t.

A simple screening and the courage to accept help are what I wish for everyone. There is support. There is help. And after the storm, there can be a sunny day if we are brave enough to take the first step and speak it into existence.