Adoptees Surpassing The Six Stuck Spots: Series Wrap Up

Beneath the Mask Stuck Spots Series - All Masks

Written by Rachel Shifaraw, Adult Adoptee, C.A.S.E. Creative Content Specialist

Published on: Sep 05, 2024

Category Adoption

Over the past six months, I’ve been studying the six stuck spots that we talk about when understanding the psychological challenges of adoption. I’ve asked my adopted peers, colleagues & support group participants to share stories with me about spaces they’ve been stuck in while sailing the seas of their adoption journey.

When C.A.S.E. CEO Debbie Riley designed these emotionally stuck spaces, I believe her work was primarily focused on adolescents. However, through my discussions, I have concluded that these spaces don’t go away. They stay present throughout the lifelong journey of adoption, and sometimes we slip into being stuck again.

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I always thought I most strongly identified with the stuck spot, “difference” but over these past six months, I’ve decided that perhaps it’s “permanence.” The truth is, as I have navigated my adoption, the spaces I’ve been stuck in have changed depending on whatever I was going through at the time. For example, I struggled most with “missing & difficult information” when I opened my adoption papers for the very first time, but that quickly turned into a battle with “loyalty” as I jumped right into search & reunion.

“Identity” currently sits at the forefront of my life as an adult. My kids have questions about their own identity — they want to learn & celebrate their Chilean culture but I don’t always have answers. The harsh realization that adoption is intergenerational hit me like a punch in the gut. I wrestle with feelings of embarrassment because I don’t have the information they seek. I sit with sadness because I never learned these things for myself. I will forever remember the first time I asked myself, “does this mean adoption affects my children too”?!?

Behind the scenes of filming - Rachel Shifaraw smiling and looking at masks on wall

I guess it sometimes feels like adoption is a lifetime full of stuck spots. I’m working on changing that language within myself to something more like, “adoption is a lifetime ADVENTURE of stuck spots.” Swirling in a stuck spot doesn’t have to feel like a life sentence. What if we looked at stuck spots as spaces where we can grow while we’re also feeling stuck? I think that’s what this is all about: growing, learning, practicing, educating, repeat. I encourage anybody struggling in their adoption journey to take a look at the stuck spots, read stories of lived experiences, seek adoption competent therapy, join support groups, and to remember they aren’t alone.